Elegy
by ar-poe
Summary: They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares." Minor character death.


**A/N: **I was watching an old CSI rerun tonight and I heard something that just triggered this idea, and I _had_ to write this. Oneshot. All quotes taken from Joseph Conrad's _Heart of Darkness_, one of my favorite novels, and I am very proud of this story. I think it's my favorite. Feedback, yes?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Criminal Minds_. Nor do I own _Heart of Darkness_. Nor the _Bible_?

**Elegy**

"_It is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we dream--alone."_

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me..."

The air in the small chapel was stale and uncomfortable, filled with nothing but sadness, yet a strange peacefulness also loomed overhead.

Father Thomas finished the 23rd Psalm and placed his fingers to his lips, briefly closing his eyes and stepping aside for anyone who wished to walk up to the opened casket. Derek gently placed a hand on Spencer's knee, silently letting him know that he was still there, and he would continue to be there if Spencer wished to go up to the altar.

Spencer didn't move, however. He remained still, his eyes transfixed upon the vase of white lilies that he had brought for his mother. They were her favorite, and he immediately transferred his gaze when he thought of the irony behind the lilies' connotation: the flower of death.

Derek stood up then and made his way up the small steps from the pew. He placed his hand on Diana's frail shoulder and looked over her slender face, her eyes that resembled Spencer's, her hair, her pale skin...

_"They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares." _

Derek turned and made his way back down the stairs, catching Hotch's eye who was sitting in the pew behind him and Spencer along with the rest of the team. Everyone made their way to the open casket over the next couple of minutes, everyone but Spencer, who remained in the same position, never moving, hardly blinking.

_"I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed somber under an overcast sky--seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness." _

Derek looked Spencer over as well. The kid hadn't slept since Dr. Norman called three days ago from his mother's sanitarium, telling Spencer that his mother had passed away. He had stood there in the kitchen behind Derek, the phone remaining on and in his hand long after Dr. Norman had hung up, and he just stood there, looking at the wall and trembling slightly as Derek tried to shake him out of his trance and to remove the phone from his hand before it fell to the floor.

"_Spencer? Spencer, what happened?" He lightly shook him, trying his best to look into his eyes, to make some kind of contact, to somehow get through his mind and reach the kid._

_Spencer's eyes slowly left their subject on the wall and lowered to meet Derek's. Derek was slightly taken aback at the lack of... life that he saw there, and he cowered just a little, heart broken. _

"_My mother..." He whispered, and that's when his legs lost their strength and Derek held him up as soon as he felt the young man quiver. Derek immediately understand and sat Spencer down in the closest kitchen chair, leaning down next to him._

"_Oh, Spencer..."_

He barely slept or ate, and Derek had to remind him just to change clothes and shower. And now, Spencer sat there in an outfit that Derek had laid out, dress shirt worn sloppily underneath a coat, his tie askew, with hair that hadn't been touched in days and shadows beneath his eyes that were as black as his mood.

At the end of the service, old friends of Diana's gave their sympathies to Spencer and left in their cars, nurses from the sanitarium gave warm smiles to the young doctor who they grew to adore, and Dr. Norman himself came to offer Spencer advice on grieving that he undoubtedly already knew.

And Spencer took it all in with emotionless, polite smiles, and said nothing.

Finally, once the team was alone, Garcia ran up and wrapped Spencer up in a huge, warm hug. "Oh, my baby. We're gonna get you home and I'll make you a fantastic meal, okay?" She pulled back then and held Spencer at arms length to get a good look at him. "And you're gonna have a nice, hot bath."

"Actually, I just want to sleep. Thanks, though." Those were the first words he'd spoken and he said them without emotion and with his polite smile, avoiding eye contact with every one of his team members.

He began walking away from the chapel, hands buried in his pockets, head hung low, and made his way through the small crowd that was starting to dissipate. Derek turned to follow him, to drive him back to their apartment, when Hotch gently pulled him aside.

"Keep an eye on him, Morgan. He won't get over this easily."

Derek nodded and watched as Spencer exited the church. Once outside the opened heavy oak doors, Spencer turned back around to face the church and looked up at the steeple, peering up at the top and squinting at the bright sun. He lowered his gaze once more and leveled his head as he thought, and then turned his back once more.

"_The horror! The horror!"_

_End._


End file.
